Dear Mr Nobody

Dear Mr Nobody, you might think you're being sly,
Hiding in the shadows, like a secret service spy,
But let me tell you something, I know your little game,
Whenever there's a mishap, you're the one to blame.

The lid is off the jam again, there's a sticky cupboard door,
And, somewhat inexplicably, Rice Krispies on the floor.
In the bathroom is an empty space where the toilet roll should be,
Towels are screwed up on the floor and I know it wasn't me.


I know you're always hungry, because you eat out of the fridge,
leaving all the packets empty and jars without their lids,
When I get back from the shops, it drives me up the wall,
To find the milk that should be full is empty after all.

I know that it was you, because I've asked around the house,
And no one has admitted it, it's as quiet as a mouse.
So if it wasn't somebody, then nobody's to blame,
And that is why your sneaky ways are firmly in the frame.

Yet sometimes I start to wonder; are we really in the clear?
Would everything be neat and tidy, if you weren't here?
So I think it's time to say goodbye, consider yourself evicted
It's time to take the rap ourselves for the chaos you've inflicted!

Click to read my last poem; Not a Valentines Poem