1. Waking Up to Find it Isn't 5am.
Nothing beats that blissful feeling when you open your eyes for the first time that morning and see actual daylight. It changes your whole perception of life, filling you with an exuberance that could conquer the world. You may even go so far as to make actual breakfast, instead of settling for yesterday's pizza leavings. Whatever age your baby stops waking at night, there is nothing more joyful than the inner triumph of having acheived a 'normal' person's sleep. Celebrate the moment. I don't care what anybody says; if it isn't daylight, it isn't morning. Fact.
2. Pairing the Final Sock.
No child wants to wear socks. From birth they are pre-programmed to flick them off in the most inconvenient places. If you have a toddler, you will have one sock in every room in your house, at any given time. You may even have two, but not matching, obviously. One day, though, you will hold in your hand, what can only be described as the Holy Grail of Parenthood. You will possess the final sock. This will probably only happen once during your entire parenting journey, so be ready to savour the moment. When you pair the final sock with its twin, your heart will sing. It's a beautiful moment.
3. Catching Vomit.
Ok, not an obvious one this, but anyone who has made countless attempts to clean and dress a reluctant, wriggling infant in a carefully chosen, coordinating outfit, will know where I am coming from. You are going to a wedding, maybe, or perhaps one of those toddler groups where you can feel the silent judgements even before you've entered the room, you finally get Junior dressed, when... BABOOM!! A technicolour yawn arrives with the velocity of a Beckham free kick and... you instinctively intercept the damage, therefore saving the day. You are a hero.
That all too familiar sound of a child screaming blue murder is heard, ringing out from amongst the supermarket aisles and hackles start to rise amongst the less tolerant shoppers. Old ladies are tutting, dads are cringing and mums are trying to send sympathetic vibes, as best they can. There aren't many parents who can truthfully say they haven't suffered at the hands of their little one's mighty lungs, when something much-desired has not made it into the trolley during the weekly shop. However, every now and again, it won't be your little one who is trying to let the next town know that you have failed as a parent. And, as much as we extend psychic sympathy to the latest victim in this situation, it's perfectly acceptable to thank your lucky stars that it's not your turn.
5. Making the Grade at School.
6. Finding Out the Laundry Basket has a Bottom.
This is another defining moment on your parenting journey. It requires a lot of naturally occuring events to be on your side, so it may not happen very often. However, now and again, all those planets will be in alignment and a miracle might just occur. When there are a few sunny days in a row, it happens to be a weekend, you are not required to devote the day to driving, or visiting, or attending an event and no one is ill, you may just catch a glimpse of utopia; the bottom of the laundry basket. Legend has it, that if you reach the bottom of the basket, for that load only, all the bras will retain their wires, sleeves will unroll themselves, and socks will find their way out of trouser legs, as if a magical force were at work, but that could just be a rumour. This utopian state has remained undocumented throughout history, so rare is its occurence. If you ever make it, take a moment and enjoy it, you've earned it.
7. Becoming at One with your Parenting Style
There will come a point at some time during your life as a parent, where, all of a sudden, you will realise you are actually doing ok. You might not be perfect, there may be unexplained stains and the odd profanity where there shouldn't be. You might not always make it on time and sometimes Junior has ice cream for breakfast, but, it will suddenly come to your notice that other parents get it wrong sometimes too. They struggle and try and muck it up sometimes. You will notice that the happiest parents are those that wear their stains with pride and the unhappy ones are those that are constantly striving for unattainable perfection. That's right; 'perfection' and 'children' do not belong in the same sentence. Unless your definition of perfection is chocolate covered, loud, messy faces and haphazard, 'wing and prayer' living, in which case, high five, you've made it. Your perfect life may not be other people's, but once you learn to embrace it, all your days will be bright.
And relax!
Hysterical! Love the catching the vomit and finding the bottom of the laundry basket, both so true!
ReplyDeleteHhahrrr love this post so fab yeah seeing the basket to the bottom is one of sheer delight!
ReplyDeleteSo funny and so true! Allow the bottom of the laundry basket is clearly a myth!
ReplyDeleteOh the horror I have known of catching vomit in my hands >_<
ReplyDeleteLove this post, so true I have a problem with socks in this house, I cant wait for the day where they are all in pairs.
ReplyDeleteI did the waking at 5am today and realised I could have more time in bed as it is school holidays! Yay!
ReplyDeleteThe bottom of the washing basket makes me so so happy!!
ReplyDeleteThe bottom of the laundry basket, what is that~? it is a mythical place in this house!
ReplyDeleteThis made me laugh - I'm one for forgetting events until about two minutes before they're due to go to school x
ReplyDeleteVery true and I'd like to extend the laundry basket to the ironing pile, the bottom of that deserves a party.
ReplyDeleteI think most mums will agree with you on these points. The laundry basket is always a challenge.
ReplyDeleteSeriously?! The basket has a bottom?! Will look forward to finding that :) Love this post, all spot on x
ReplyDeleteHaha what a great post - I have to admit I'm not a parent and I'm not even sure my basket has a bottom. x
ReplyDeleteNot sure the catching vomit one is a parenting win, but nodding vigorously to the others!
ReplyDeleteIs there anything more satisfying than pairing that final sock?
ReplyDeleteNodding along in agreement!
ReplyDeleteGreat post and nodding all the way through. I actually saw the bottom of our laundry basket the other day, it was short-lived obviously LOL :)
ReplyDeleteSo get this - that bottom of the laundry basket is a bit elusive isn't it?
ReplyDeleteFinding that your ironing pile has a bottom is equally satisfying! I totally agree with this list....apart from catching the sick - would always rather it hit the toilet! But pairing the last sock...I wonder if that will EVER happen!
ReplyDeleteYessss I love it! These re all so true! xx
ReplyDeleteEvery word rings true! I am so with you on these, especially no.7 x
ReplyDeleteSo true, I've completely given up with socks and embraced mismatching as a style 'choice' for the kid lol
ReplyDeleteHaha this made me smile! Im not sure Ive seen the bottom of any of laundry baskets in my house for a long time!! #JustAnotherLinky
ReplyDeleteHaha this is great :)
ReplyDeleteMy eldest, when she was a baby actually vomited into my mouth !! urgh
Thanks so much for linking up with #justanotherlinky :) Hope to see you again this week x
ha ha I love this post made me smile
ReplyDeletelove it, great post!
ReplyDelete