Bringing Up Teenagers

There is no right or wrong...

This is not a how-to guide. I honestly don't think it would matter how many teenagers you brought up, you will never become an expert. Everyone is different, including children and young adults. You will not get it right all the time. Fact. You might as well accept it now. There is no room for perfection in any aspect of parenthood, but luckily, children don't actually care about perfection, they care about happiness and security. The good news is, you can give them that without being an expert, you just need to walk a mile in their stinky trainers now and again.

Goodbye Kitty... 

The fact is, all parents witness the day when their cute, chubby, tutu wearing cherubs morph into moody, know-it-all, bolshy teenagers. No one knows exactly when it happens, but it invariably does. Hormones play a massive part, but there are also the other, less obvious changes going on. The teenage years are a bit like the Grand Canyon. There you are on one side, with your comfy, predictable Hello Kitty existence, quietly minding your own business, on the other side is a terrifying, unknown, unpredictable world that you know nothing about. You are then tasked with the job of getting from one side to the other, safely and without annoying anyone.. EVEN IF YOU DON'T WANT TO! That's actually a really important point that deserves a moment of contemplation. How scary is that?! Who would want to leave their comfort zone to dive into the unknown with all the responsibility and pitfalls that entails?

What would you do? 

If your teen is prone to meltdowns, emotional outbursts, or general stroppiness, the important thing to remember is, your children are most likely smaller versions of yourself. So, when your teen reacts in a way you don't like, be honest with yourself. What would you do in the same situation? How would you, with all your years of experience and lots of practice at handling confrontation, react? Learning how to conduct yourself and how to speak appropriately isn't something we're born with, it comes with experience. It is really hard not to react in the same way, when someone speaks to you rudely or inappropriately, but if you can fight it and remain calm, you will go a long way towards, not only mirroring the behaviour you want to see, but also staying in control, because it should prevent the situation turning into a full-on argument.

Make time to listen...

I think everyone worries about what is going on in their teenager's head. Are they happy? What's happening at school? Are their friends pressuring them? A common concern amongst parents is that, as they get older, their children seem to find it harder to talk and open up to them. You can't force anyone to talk if they don't want to, but by providing opportunities to open up, you can ensure you are doing your best to facilitate open dialogue. It doesn't matter what you do, it could be walking, or cooking, feeding the ducks, or anything. As long as your young person knows that, just for that short period of time, they are your main focus. You don't have to ask questions, in fact it's better if you don't, just allow conversation to flow and hopefully any worries will have a chance to come to the surface naturally, without them feeling your prying or getting into their personal space. 

Trust is a must...

It is easy to watch all the horror stories in the media and want to lock your teen in the shed until they are thirty. However, this is not really practical, so why not try trusting them a little? Their safety is obviously paramount, but if you don't cut them a little slack, they won't learn how to take care of themselves and keep themselves safe. They will also hopefully respond positively to a small amount of responsibility, because it shows them that you respect the fact they are growing up. There's an old saying; respect is something that should be earned, and it works both ways. There is no reason to believe that they won't follow rules about curfew or where they are allowed to go, unless they prove otherwise, so give them a chance. It will do a lot for their self esteem to know that you believe in them and that will encourage them to prove their worth. If you give them the chance to act like grown ups, they may surprise you!