Monday, 5 June 2017

When Your Best Friend Dies

I've been very lucky in my life. The only people who have passed from it, have been older relatives. Now, as much as there is never a good time to go, it's a little easier to come to terms with when you have lots of good times to remember, you know they had a long and happy life and contributed a lot to the world. They will be remembered because they made their mark; in their profession, through their clubs and hobbies, on their friends and colleagues. Everyone will say 'Oh yes, lovely chap, had a good innings' and, after the initial loss, you can at least have that little crumb of comfort, they got the best out of life. Then, your best friend dies. Very suddenly and very young, and all of that changes.

So, where to begin. My best friend was always there. She wanted to be everybody's friend and would do anything for anyone. She was also a fighter. She survived more in her tragically short life, than most people will in a lifetime. We joked the other day, because I nominated her to win a holiday and, by the time I'd listed all the reasons why she needed a holiday. it read like Mr Bean's worst nightmare. We could joke about it, because she always believed things could get better. She was a beautiful tribute to positivity. It didn't matter what happened, she always believed she could somehow improve it. She believed in me. Every day. Long after I'd given up believing, she would boot me up the bum and tell me I could do it. Of course I could do it I would it. I probably wouldn't be writing this blog now, if it wasn't for her, because there have been times when I've lost confidence and wondered why anyone would read it and if I was good enough and she would always be right behind me, full of enthusiasm, telling me I was amazing. And now she's gone. Just like that. This photo was taken in January, the last time I saw her face to face. We lived far apart and with unreliable cars, we didn't get to see each other often, but, thanks to the joy of Social Media, we communicated every day.

They say you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone, but I never knew how true that statement could be. I've lost my best friend, my confidante, my muse and my soulmate and my life will never be the same again. No one who ever knew her will ever be the same again, because she made everybody love her instantly. I don't know how you are supposed to come to terms with a loss like that. I don't understand how I can go to sleep tonight without talking to her at all today.  And never speaking to her again? I can't even fathom the idea. It's too... final. I suppose it's normal to keep coming back to it in your mind, to keep thinking; is she really gone? But it breaks my heart a little more each time and I don't know how that will ever change. I will be posting another piece about how I feel the establishment let her down, let us all down, but this post isn't about that. This post is about remembering a beautiful soul, taken unjustly and too soon. It's also about appreciating what you have. There is a lot of violence and uncertainty in the world right now, so it's even more important to cherish everyone you care about. To take time to appreciate the details about them. To remember what they mean to you and make sure they know that. I hope Lynn knew what she meant to me, to all of us, because a light has gone out in my heart today and it can never be replaced. I thought long and hard about whether to write this. Whether it was appropriate, tasteful, timely, all those things, but then I remembered. It is absolutely what she would have wanted me to do because, as well as being my best friend, she was also my biggest fan. Her enthusiasm for everything and everyone was boundless and I will never know another like her again. She gave me so much and wanted so little.

Coming to Terms with the Unexpected Death of a Close Friend



  1. I am so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you.
    Sending love and hugs x

  2. That must have been so hard to write but remember it wasn't just that she was your friend but you were hers too and a damn good one xxx
    Sleep tight, Lynn xxx

  3. Lucy read this to me last night, before she published and neither of us made it to the end. She will be missed so much.

    1. That's because we loved her. Everybody did. x

  4. I really have no words Lucy. You are so much better for having her in your life and you can only focus on the good times. Life can be so cruel at times

  5. A beautiful post. She is missed so much and her positivity was the best gift she could give. Xx


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