Monday, 25 May 2015

6 of the Worst Supermarket Crimes

A Shelf of Drinks with Title OverlaidSupermarket shopping is a necessary evil for most of us. I know, these days, if you are super-organised you can order everything online and have it delivered at your own convenience, but I'm really not that organised and I can't get used to working out in advance what I might fancy for tea. I also like to choose my own fruit and meat, etc, because I am picky. That said, I am not really a fan. There's just so much to annoy me. The trolley always wants to turn left, the shop is too big, with the most frequently purchased products are at the far end, and then there's the people. So I've made a little list of the most annoying people in supermarkets. Sorry if this is you, but, honestly, enough is enough! 


Even if people are shopping in a onesie, feeding chocolate to a baby at 6am or wandering shoeless through the freezer aisle, they are not bothering you. There is no excuse for tutting, fact. If you are a tutter, you need to find something to do with your life. The fact that you care so much about what you feel are other people's (even strangers') shortcomings, only reflects on you. So there.


Let's face it, the majority of humans prefer to attack the supermarket shop alone, it is not a group activity. The less people involved, the better. What is with all the talking, then, hmmm?! People are talking to their lists, their mobiles (It's just cheese! Pick one, dammit!), even the food, it's madness! Food, trolley, pay, out. No need for discussion here. 


I am not one to judge (tut), but what is so attractive about standing around, in large groups, discussing last night's Paul O'Grady amongst the baked beans? Moreover, how do the, er, older generation know that a gathering is happening? Is there a universal 'Gossip in Aisle Four' signal? Should we be watching for semaphor with cereal boxes or smoked salmon signals here?

Boy Asleep in Trolley
I wish I could do this!


Trust me, I get it. You have to bring them and they get bored, it is one of life's conundrums. There is very little you can do to prevent whining, tantrums, shouting and all manner of toddler-isms and that is absolutely fine, we've all been there. But seriously?! You can't do anything to prevent them screeching round the aisles at 90 mph like an audition for the Indy 500? Usually in groups, leaving flattened pensioners and all manner of destruction in their wake? And, worse, if they run into my trolley as they take on the Home Straight this is somehow my fault? It's not a good idea. It's a bad idea. Race your kids outside!

Being Coupley

No. Just no. Time and a place, people! 


Why, oh why... so.... flipping... slow?! Do you walk at that speed in real life? Do you? Really?! I highly doubt it and you have no idea exactly how much willpower I am employing when I am not cheerfully ramming my trolley somewhere it doesn't belong! Oh, and the random and sudden stops for no reason? Please reassure me you don't have a driving licence!

Morrisons Morrons Sign



  1. I used to be a tutter. Then I had kids. Now a trip to the supermarket is freedom. As long as the husband has the kids of course.

  2. Love that photo! Trust me, I've done Easter and Christmas shopping just like that - with child asleep in the bottom of the shopping trolley :)


  3. I quite often tut when I'm shopping but usually it's because they've moved things, run out of what I want or got the wrong label on the shelf edge but if you went shopping with my mother you'd have quite a few more crimes to add to your list!
    I have the dubious honour of taking her once a fortnight so be warned and stay away on the due date.
    She seems to have forgotten about the fact that there may be other people also shopping and she is oblivious to their presence. She leaves her walker in the middle of the already blocked, narrow aisles whilst she looks at the sugar content of the jam, even though she looked on the previous visit and all the ones prior to that. This is the walker she doesn't realise makes her square footage larger and so bumps into people or runs their feet over and I don't think she even notices.
    She has recently been diagnosed as diabetic so has to watch what she eats now and studies the sugar content of things - before ignoring it and putting the chocolate eclairs in the trolley.
    She takes a shopping list with her but this isn't produced until we've ambled all the aisles and I'm putting all her shopping on the belt. This is when she does The Disappearing Act and it's the cashier and the other customers who are tutting. Which brings me onto her next crime - she doesn't believe in The New-Fangled Trickery that is a Debit Card (unless it's mine of course) and thinks nothing of holding up everyone even more, taking forever to get her money out and insisting on giving the odd money so I've learnt to pay for her shopping on my card and hope she remembers to reimburse me.
    This said, we do have fun, with me treating her like a naughty schoolgirl and her playing up to role by blowing raspberries and sticking her two fingers up at me as is her answer to everything


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