xmlns:b='http://www.google.com/2005/gml/b' xmlns:data='http://www.google.com/2005/gml/data' xmlns:expr='http://www.google.com/2005/gml/expr' Agreeing with Davina McCall on relationships | The Parent Game

Thursday, 13 August 2015

Agreeing with Davina McCall on relationships

Wedding Cake Topper FlowersDavina McCall got herself into a bit of hot water recently by being a bit too honest about her marriage and relationships. Personally, I don't think there is anything wrong with speaking your mind and being candid, particularly about something you are proud of. It's becoming rarer that people can talk about their marriage in terms of double figures, so why shouldn't she share her tips? The interview involved comments she made about her relationship with her husband and, as with all comments taken out of context, this one quickly became a beacon for feminists to flock to.


However, if you read the article, you will see that the fifties housewife vibe wasn't actually what she said. Her point was something entirely different and not what the tabloids picked up on at all and her response was a very measured, matter-of-fact explanation on her blog of what she actually meant. It wasn't so much a mis-quote, as a simplification of a wider philosophy. Stemming from her mother, she held the belief that it was important to pay attention to your marriage. If intimacy isn't retained; if it wains with the pressures of daily life, it becomes hard to get back. She described it as potentially becoming 'a thing'. So; less spontaneous and possibly even awkward, pushing that side of marriage further away. What I took from this was something slightly different, a variation of this theme. Davina talked about intimacy, but I think it's about more than that, it's about affection. It's about treating your partner the same way you did when you first met.

Bride and Groom
The easy bit!


If you don't make an effort beyond the 'honeymoon' period, when everything has become predictable and everyday life has taken over, it is hard to get it back. It's not a Fifties concept, because it comes from both sides, you both have to try. When there are bills to sort out and the car needs a service, someone is making a mess and there is an inexplicable noise coming from somewhere. Those days, when distraction meets chaos and the last thing you are going to remember is when you last gave your spouse or partner a cuddle or asked them how their day was; that is when those little things matter the most. Not in a 1950's 'peck-on-the-cheek-whilst-handing-over-a-Martini' kind of way, either. Not because you should, or even because you know you haven't in a while, but because it matters. It's easy to tell yourself that you have been together so long that they know this stuff, it's not necessary to reinforce it, but that is exactly why it is important. Don't leave it to chance. As The Husband once said in a previous article for the blog; You Never Know What's Around the Corner. If you are lucky enough to have a meaningful, happy relationship, why wouldn't you cherish it? I have been extremely comfortable in my marriage for a long time. We both have. There was nothing 'wrong' with it. We get on fine, I get most of my own way, so it all works out! When I read Davina's blog post though, I recognised something in it and I started trying a little bit harder not to take things for granted. For example; even though he gives exactly the same answer every time, I always ask him how he got on at work. Equally, sometimes, I'll be lying in bed, watching TV, and I will hear the kettle boil, secretly knowing he will probably arrive five minutes later with a hot chocolate for me. It might sound soppy, but little things matter. Although we were happy and comfortable before, the positive effect of us both trying a little bit harder to demonstrate that we care about and appreciate each other in little ways meant that we felt more connected. We are husband and wife and that should be a unique relationship. I love that I am reminded of that every day.
This month is Romance Awareness Month, so for more great tips on how to keep the romance in your relationship, click the link!

Couple Standing in Roman Amphitheatre

Post in collaboration with TheCircle


The Little Life of Ickle Pickle
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23 comments

  1. It's so easy to take the other half for granted. I think you have to work hard to do the little things that matter... make each other tea in bed, buy a little treat for them, give them a hug and kiss every day.

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  2. I have been married for 20 years and things do change, but my husband is my best friend as well as my lover and also an amazing dad

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  3. Things do change ~ important to always maintain your friendship x

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  4. All very true and that once it goes it is very hard to get back and sometimes not at all.

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  5. It's wise to cherish what you have and to not take each other for granted and it's good to have a reminder from time to time because it is easy to let life take over.

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  6. Very true, its so easy to take people for granted

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  7. I love davina she is brilliant. What she says is true we really do need to pay attention to each other as well as deal with ale very thing life throws at us

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  8. It is very naughty how some papers (and magazines) pick things out of interviews just to try and make a hype out of it. x

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  9. Interesting, I read very little of this but I heard it had caused a stir. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, it is usually how other interpret it that causes the problems.

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  10. I didn't see any of this but you are right, a marriage needs work and it is important not to let the daily routines get you down and remain affectionate and intimate

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  11. I didn't know about the Davina thing, but I've been married for 20 years and I agree that it's really important to remember not to take your partner for granted as the years go by.

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  12. I've been married for 13 years now and we get on great most of the time but I do admit we could work a little harder! I'll have to have a read of her article x #anythinggoes

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  13. I didn't read about Davina, but what you say is true. It doesn't take much to add a little romance back to your relationship.

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  14. Thank you for linking up with #anythinggoes linky. It is so easy to get stuck in a routine and take each other for granted. It is important to make an effort for each other after being married. Love this post as its so true.

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  15. Thanks for this, it's very good point, I'm going to try a little harder myself now too.

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  16. Great point! I like how you use the celebrity incident to make your argument! Thanks for sharing on #myfavouritepost

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  17. I agree with Davina it is hard to keep the momentum going when everyday things get in the way x

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  18. Great post about relationships. I hadn't heard of the Davina interview, but will read her blog post. Thank you

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  19. Relationships do take a lot of work, and it's easy to lose that spark from the beginning. I think Davina has made some sensible points, shame it got taken completely out of context

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  20. We make sure we get a night away on our own every few months, just to remember how much fun we have as a couple - so easy to get into a rut with the daily grind isnt it!

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  21. its very hard to get it back once its gone. having children make it harder to be close, as you never get a spare moment for the inmate things in the relationship.

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  22. With 4 children life is busy, but making time for marriage is important. We've been married almost 10years and intimacy and affection are key to keeping it happy

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